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Something Happened to Holly Sonders on the Week of January 31st 2019: An Investigation

Every person who has watched golf as a slightly more avid than casual fan knows who Holly Sonders is. She’s been on Morning Drive, Playing Lessons with the Pros, and she was a part of the Fox broadcasting team who covered golf when they picked up the US Open and team events a few years ago. Fox was supposed grow and pick up more broadcasting rights, but they were unable to ultimately get anything, so she has since left the golf team, but she still works with Fox Sports in other capacities. 

Unfortunately, she does not have a Wikipedia page, so that makes my job as an extremely lazy blogger much more difficult in getting a lot of key information in her bio, but she didn’t just fall ass backwards into golf broadcasting. She has game and won the 2001 AJGA championship and she played in college until she was sidelined with an injury. Also, here’s her swing. 

 

She’s 32 years old and as of January 9th, she has been publicly dating the Cardinals and former Texas Tech coach Kliff Kingsbury. 

So I haven’t seen much from her lately until I came across this today.

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All things considered, A+ post. It has that instagram model vibe that says “for the love of all that is holy, please buy some FitTea using my promo code. All of my money has gone to Sephora and I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to pay this photographer. I told him I didn’t have a lot of capital right now and he said ‘don’t worry, honey, we can arrange something.’” 

Of course, that’s not the case. Holly is a veteran in sports and highly respected, so I’m sure she’s financially fine, but it was legitimately funny seeing someone of her stature posting the picture, then hitting it with a caption like ‘Bust Down Thotiana’ just to make us wonder if she’s actually being held captive and posting on instagram against her will. 

So naturally, I just went for it and scoped out the rest of her Instagram to see what we’re working with. 

 

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Oh, okay, so in this one, she’s taking a telephone call with a medical professional because she seems to be having a dermal irritation of sorts. Normally, doctors would prescribe a low grade steroid cream, such as cortisol, but in this case, the doctor told her it would be best to allow her body to fight it naturally. Perhaps he suggested fresh fruit juice for the vitamins and antioxidant properties.

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In this one, Holly must have finished up her conversation with the doctor, but alas, a new problem has arisen! Oh, no! Her bath tub is dehydrated. Of course, that’s patently ridiculous. Bathtubs don’t need water to remain effective. They need regular cleansing to get rid of minerals from hard water like lime and calcium.

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I’m thinking what’s happening here is that Holly is on the board of her HOA and she has concerns about one of her neighbors’ landscaping. It’s slightly gauche to give notification via an Instagram post, but I’m not going to tell her how to do her job.

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At this point, she’s just picking random words and putting them together to form a sentence.

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Tough scene. Can’t say I relate, but I can imagine that’s a brutal feeling.

This is pretty much what’s going on with Holly’s Instagram. Cool. She’s attractive, has had some probably expensive work done, and she likes to show it off. I’m all for it. Or so I thought…..

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Here’s where it gets weird. This is Holly’s instagram as of January 31st. What does is look like prior to that?

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Vastly different, right? She used to have a feed that looked like any other 30 year old woman in media. Product promos, going out clothes, daily happenings, work. All of the captions were descriptions of the photo at hand. It was very simple. Then on January 31st, she posted this. The first ever picture with a caption that seems like it was written by an attention deficit disorder having 13 year old.

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I was at a loss. Something changed. I googled it. Nothing. No big job changes, no break-up with Kliff (or engagement for that matter). I checked Twitter. Again, a pattern of change.

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So I don’t really know what’s going on.. It’s tough to say and until my blog boss green lights a shit load of funds for me to purchase a surveillance van, a plethora of disguises, and some very expensive spy equipment, I’m going to have to stick to theories as to what’s going on.

Theory Number 1: Mid-life crisis

Holly is nowhere near her mid-life. She’s rich, seemingly eats well, and I would guess her only vice is lip injections. However, I’m 27 and I have an existential crisis everyday like clockwork, so maybe she’s in a similar place at age 32. It’s a possibility that she sees all these young girls with “ASU ’24 ~ ΑΦ ~ WaNdErLuSt ~ Feed Me Tacos” in their bio and wants to see if she can compete. So she does the unrelated caption thing with red hot pictures. It’s a possibility, and the most probable, but I have a few more.

Theory Number 2: She’s planning on kids soon

I hate taking pictures. I really do. Always hated it. Why can’t we just live in the moment? However, looking back, with a limited photo gallery to show my future kids that their dad was once a stud, I feel a little bad about it. How do I explain that I haven’t always been carrying around an extra 20 pounds and my eyes always haven’t had dark circles that look like I’ve lived a hard 20 years as a coal mining alcoholic? Well I don’t have much to show for it and I guess since it’s all downhill from a few years ago, it probably won’t get much better. Holly is by no means old, but if she’s planning on having kids, maybe she wants a souvenir from the good old days of looking like a swimsuit model. She’s dating an absolute breeder with Kliff Kingsbury, so if they have kids, I’m guessing she’ll want to be able to show her kids that she was certified before childbirth. So am I predicting baby Sonders/Kingsbury in the near future who will inevitably be a first round draft pick in the NFL, the PGA, and Wilhemina Models? You bet. You heard it here first.

Theory Number 3: She actually is being held captive by Terry Richardson

Terry Richardson has been known for photographing celebrities and has a flair for the perverted. You can read about it here. Actually, I’m not even going to indulge this one… Too dark. But keep it in the back of your mind.

The question still remains… What happened to Holly Sonders on the week of January 31st? I don’t know. I don’t know if we’ll ever know. What is for sure is that she made a change.

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