Yo what up it’s Chrissy Capicola aka Mr 2 strikes and it’s almost time for me to head in for my 4 hour shift at Taula’s Pizzeria and I’m hacking Chavy’s account to share some of my sure fire ways to have you and your bro wearing cucci like it’s Gucci this weekend.
1) Talk up how your friends packing a fucking slab of salami in his Buckle jeans.
If you’re like me Chrissy Capicola aka Mr 2 Strikes you’ve seen your friends pisello once or twice over the years. And yeah we may have cross contaminated our meats when we were making a bridge with Gina “Hallway” Squarcialupi but that doesn’t make us a couple of you know what’s!
Anyways you see your bro chatting up some broad at the bar acting like he cares about what she’s saying while he’s waiting for his drink and you’re wondering “what’s the move?” I’ll tell you the fucking move. You go over there skip the introductions and just ask the girl “HEY! Did you notice my mans’ meat rocket in his buckle jeans bro?! It’s like a 3rd arm!” The girl can’t help but look down at his bedazzled fucking jeans looking for an outline! Once she traces the outline of his gabagool with her eyes she’s in awe like she just found out Body Bing is offering half off for the booth! She grabs him by his Cabeza, calls a taxi takes him back to her parents house in Belmar to uh you know “go uccello watching”. Ho! And just like that you’re a wingman! Now time for you to become a one man wolf pack and crush some Red Bull vodkas and dance until your heart explodes! And definitely not wonder what your bro is doing with her and why he’s not still at the bar with you…
Anyways come back next Friday for my hot tips to get you and your bro laid! Until next time this is Chrissy Capicola aka Mr 2 Strikes telling you to always do these three things.
Pop your Ed Hardy collar,
Hit the gym (but no fucking leg days!),
And finally throw on some Chainsmokers and fucking rage bro!