As the #1 (amateur) wrestling blogger on this site it’s my
job duty to give the casual fan a little insight as to why Hulk Hogan getting his own biopic is just so goddamn funny.
Disclaimer: As much as I want this film to happen it is still in the VERY VERY early stages of development so let’s not pretend this is a lock for Best Picture in 2021.
Okay so let’s get this out of the way now, Chris Hemsworth playing definitely came out of left field. I get that Thor has the blonde locks to look like Hogan, but that’s where the similarities end. Hogan is a towering 6’7 and was pushing 300 pounds in his heyday (which is when this movie is supposed to take place and I’ll touch on that a little later too) and Mr Hemsworth is only 6’4 and only 220 pounds when he’s in his “fighting weight” aka when he dons the cape and hammer for the infinity of Marvel movies he’s in. So either we’re in for some Justice League CGI or Hemsworth is going to be smashing pills and jamming needles into his ass until production starts. The only thing that has me praying that this film actually happens is seeing Chris Hemsworth rocking Hulk Hogan’s trademark long sides and bald top, because the thought of that alone is laugh out loud, piss your pants, shoot milk out of your nose funny.
Here’s a very rough photoshop of what to expect when Thor gets into character.
I was willing to give a pass in the looks department until I saw who was an executive producer…the man himself Hulk Hogan. Now I know most biopics see the person portrayed involved in some capacity to give the film an “authentic” touch, but in this case it’s going to royally fuck up the film. Terry Gene Bollea doesn’t let anyone portray the Hulkster in a negative light once so ever. If you’re a wrestling fan you already knew this, if you’re not a wrestling fan well allow me to inform you.
1993 is the year and LJN games is about to release WWF King of the Ring for the NES but someone wasn’t satisfied with how their hair looked on an 8 bit system so he forced the developers to give him a full head of hair. That person was Hulk Hogan and I now present you with an in game picture that Hogan was complaining about.
Pretty petty right? Well it gets better. When Hogan sued Gawker for the leak of his sex tape he was so buried in character that he actually said “I Terry Bollea don’t have a 10 inch penis, but Hulk Hogan does.”
The guy has made a career of putting himself over everyone and making sure he always has top billing. It’s much like a actor who can’t stand not having the spotlight and makes ridiculous demands or they’re walking off the set. Obviously none of this negativity will be in the script per the Hulkster himself (including his divorce, sex tape, and oh yeah the time he DROPPED the N word in regards to his daughter dating an African-American!!!!)
Regardless of the shit that Hogan will pull to make this film portray him as a goddamn superhero I think it has potential to be a great flick. Hemsworth will put in a solid performance and director Todd Phillips can bring the heat to the script that even the handicap that is the Hulk Hogan won’t stop him…..or it’ll be 120 minutes of Hulk traveling through time dropping atomic legs on all of the world’s worst people.