Why the NFL is Bringing Sexy Back

Now that the regular season has concluded, a flurry of coaching changes have been at the forefront of NFL news. Eight head coaching positions were set to take place following this season (pending none of the coaches in the playoffs get fired or retire, which is unlikely since 60+ year olds Belichick, Reid, and Carroll seem to show no signs of stopping anytime soon). PLEASE NOTE: I’m still waiting to hear back from Andy Reid concerning my proposed business venture with him that I think could allow him to step away from football. Not to give too much intellectual property away but I think my BBQ Sauce-resistant-Hawaiian shirts are something Reid would definitely endorse.

Anyways, franchises that are switching coaching regimes wasted no time in filling the openings seeing that only 2 to 3 teams have yet to find/finalize their new head coaches at the time of this post.

Imagine Hue Jackson changing his career path and uploading his resume on a job search website. Funny stuff, right?

In this coach hiring frenzy I’m sure I’m not the only one who has noticed the new trend some teams are taking. I did some hardcore investigative work. Crunched some numbers if you will. I’ve discovered that GM’s and owners are trying out a relatively “new” hiring equation that was created in Marietta, Georgia in 1986. It’s called the Quantum McKay Theory (QMT). To break it down into Layman’s Terms, it basically means teams have to hire a “sexy,” young, lightly bearded, offensively minded head coach. It’s a risky method considering most of the coaches hired under this process have little coaching experience. The (St.) Lo(uis)s Angeles Rams were the first of recent teams to buy into QMT when they hired Sean McVay in 2017. His success has nothing to do with the fact he inherited a team with tons of young, freshly drafted talent from Jeff Fisher.

Since the Rams took the risk and hired McVay, the decision has seemed to pay off with his 24-9 record and two postseason appearances in two seasons.

You don’t think McVay is all that in the looks department? Need convincing that he’s attractive? Maybe his hunny Veronika Khomyn can convince you…

Fact: McVay’s girlfriend is not shallow and is entirely into him for his good looks/personality. His approximated $7 million net value means nothing to her probably.

Other organizations buying into QMT are as follows:


Kyle Shanahan


Matt Lefleur

Bengals (not finalized):

Zac Taylor


Kliff Kingsbury

Teams that passed on the QMT method this offseason:


Cleveland named Freddie Kitchens as their head coach. He’s got one foot in the door with QMT though since he is an offense-minded coach.


Bruce Arians just makes sense for Tampa. Retirees move to Florida, right? (Serious note, he will probably make Tampa a legit contender for the playoffs immediately next season)

QMT is the new form of crack for all of the NFL GM’S and owners. Unless you’re Jim Irsay–where crack is still the same ole’ form of crack for him. Regardless, time will tell if this fad actually works or if McVay is a once-in-lifetime risk that pans out for the Rams in the long run.


0 comments on “Why the NFL is Bringing Sexy Back

Leave a cheap take below!

%d bloggers like this: