Hey Sexist Pigs, Very Serious Golfer Paige Spiranac Wants You to Know They’re the Front Tees, Not the Ladies’ Tees

So failed professional golfer, and semi-successful…. Idk, model? Instagram babe? Social media personality? I think she’s starting to dip her feet into the shallow waters of writing columns, which should be absolutely riveting given her University of Arizona and San Diego State education. Idk really what she is, but Paige Spiranac took to twitter to vent out some frustrations. 

So not really a lot to unpack here if you take the tweet at face value, but given her background, I have to absolutely give her a tip of the cap. She’s attractive and she can ball the fuck out on the golf course. I mean, not that well, because she’s played like a steaming pile of dog shit in the Ladies Euro Tour events she’s played, but she did play D-1 golf and has seen some success on tours which offer top prizes of $500 Sephora gift cards to the winner. 

“Hey Lafferty, I thought you were a feminist? How can you come at Paige like that?”

Well, her golf game is weak. She didn’t make any noise in the NCAA during her tenure, so how, might you ask, was she even invited to play in the Dubai Ladies Desert tournament, not once, but twice, when she missed the cut? It’s simple. She exploded on instagram after a blog was written about her being an attractive golfer on Total Frat Move. Then she received a sponsor’s exemption to squeeze into some spandex and flounder around the course to shoot a scorching 77-79 to miss the cut and earn a tidy little 101st place finish in 2015.

After missing the cuts both times, golf Twitter unloaded on her, and she made several posts claiming that she was traumatized by all the cyber-bullying she received. Last year, it was discussed that she would be invited to the tournament as an ambassador, where she would be paid 515,000 euros for her appearance. For that kinda cash, baby girl, you’re gonna get roasted. I’ve never been paid to appear anywhere. In fact, I think I’d have better luck getting people to pay me to not show up to events. 

So despite all of this, she still sealed sponsor contracts with Descente Clothing, an app called 18 Birdies, and PXG, a company that I would do terrible, demeaning things to my self to get a custom set of clubs from. She got a set of fake knockers bolted on her chest and was featured in Sports Illustrated. All in all, she’s pretty successful considering that she struggles to break 75 on a 6,300 yard course. And anyone reading this may think I’m being terribly misogynistic, but please, at least take the facts into consideration. She’s a pretty girl with a great personality who isn’t that great at golf, but effectively has make a large amount of money thanks to golf. No matter what she does in an attempt to be taken seriously, she put herself on the map as the star of a video titled “the world’s first bikini trick shot.”

So a few days ago, she drops this gem on 

“Watching a hockey game and the announcer made a comment about the ladies tees. They aren’t called the ladies tees. They are the front tees and a lot more people should be playing from them”

The responses weren’t great. She uses the fact that she can beat 90% of amateur golfers out there to get on her high horse and criticize a traditional golf jargon to make a roundabout, pseudo-point about both feminism and the problems with pace of play in golf. 

On one hand, I agree. Your Sunday hacker buddies who show up to their muni course and set up from the tips at 7,000 yards when they can hit precisely 1/15 fairways are slowing down the course and just frustrating themselves. Sure, they could stand to move up a couple of tee boxes, but if your idea of fun is losing a dozen Pro-V1’s because you just have to pull your nuts out and try to muscle a hybrid 245 yards onto a par 3 green over water, that’s your prerogative. So I get that aspect. 

But saying that there’s a problem with the stigma of ladies tees is ridiculous. It’s the epitome of fake outrage. As long as long there is an opportunity to flex your nuts, washed up former JV baseball players will take advantage of it. You could call the front tees “the tees for dudes who get lots of pussy” and everyone would still want to play the tees they most associate with being the toughest. 

It’s not like the front tees have markers shaped like clitoris’s’s… or is it clitori? Idk what the plural is because it’s rare that I would ever talk about a group of clits anyway, but the term simply comes from the fact that it’s the standard tee for women’s tournaments. If you’re playing in a mixed scramble, men hit from men’s tees, ladies play up. I won’t belabor the point because it’s really not that deep, but it was a weird train for Paige to jump on so soon after Christmas. My liver had barely finished processing the 11 glasses of Jack Daniels I had in celebration of Jesus’s birth before I saw Ms. Spiranac going to battle in her mentions. 

In a slow time for golf, I guess I’m happy to see someone mixing it up a bit, but it was a tough look being that mad on the internet. I wish Paige a happy new year and if she ever wants to throttle me in a round of 18, I’d be more than happy to have that honor. 


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