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This week in local news comments…

Welcome to my latest weekly blog series where I take a look into something worse than the Dark Web, Facebook comments on local news stories. In this series I’ll be posting the weirdest, craziest, and absurd takes from the comment section. 

This former drug enthusiast had this to say about a home surveillance video capturing a meth head attempting to break the door down.

I mean sick brag on doing drugs you’re so cool! The grammatical error in the 3rd line tells me the drugs may have caused permanent damage for local badass.

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This man is here to remind you of the true meaning of Christmas!

This man is here to remind you of the true meaning of Christmas!

This is the type of guy you give a whole pew to himself at church not only because of his odor (which is a mix of Mountain Dew, Jeurgen’s and Jimmy Dean’s breakfast burritos), but also for the sake of your kids so don’t end up on milk cartons. I’d place the over/under at 6 months before his computer is seized in a sting operation.

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This guy has seen some things man. Government shutdowns, elections that didn’t go his way, and 8 years of that crooked Obama! So you can imagine just how battle worn this guy is!

I previewed this person’s Facebook profile and it was about all you’d expect from a dude with a half sleeve posing in his truck with an American flag emoji pasted on it.

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This person decided to do some fact checking on a story about a single mother leaving her kids at home by themselves.

I can’t imagine the boredom you’d have to reach to call Child Services to confirm something you read about a stranger on Facebook. I mean I’m writing a roundup of crazy comments from news pages on Facebook so ricochet shot?

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I’m no panty expert, and bras to me are sometimes like a locker with gum stuck in the jam so I’ll need some verification from our female (are there any?) readers.

My first question to the ladies of Nosebleed Takes. Is it true the sexier and comfier the more expensive the panties? And would not doing your laundry and wearing smelly panties scare away any potential “panty raiders”? Honest to God I think it might attract more creeps.

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This guy gets it…..troll level 86/100

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This guys right, sometimes you just gotta remind your boss every once in awhile that the hierarchy doesn’t play here stateside and that you’re the alpha.

But unfortunately for our “alpha dog” he’s type of the guy who shit talks the boss non stop on Facebook with a ton of “100” emojis, but cries like a beta when his boss threatens to fire him from his part time gig at Shell.

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What do we have here? Vic Mackey cracking heads and cases in 2018?

Also a bonus comment from the same robbery story.

Ummm…who wants to break it to this gas station clerk sympathizer that the robbers would’ve still broke in even if they’re closed?

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Everyone could learn a lesson from this person about a little thing called respect!

I was raised on this principal and I live by it each and every day. Putting others needs before my own has always been a priority for me. That’s why I sell my Adderall prescription to college kids who need it more than I do. I even sell it below market price! Suck on that you disrespectful fiends!

I wanted to get this one out early as a late Christmas present, check back for these every Friday morning from here on out!

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About Chavy

Co-Founder of Nosebleed Takes I write, I podcast, & Editor-In-Chief I do it all.

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