We made it! The final fight to see who reigns supreme for best Christmas movie.
In the red corner weighing in at 85 lbs and wearing the pink and white bunny suit Ralphie “Dead Eye” Parker!!
And in the blue corner weighing at 25 stones and wearing the red suit with the white fur trim Kris “Where’s the Pringles?” Kringle!
And in the other red corner……wait what’s happening?! It appears someone turned the heat on and Jack Frost is melting!
Looks like our Ménage à trois has gone missionary!
No touching of the gloves here for Ralphie as he’s still salty about Santa kicking him down the slide at the mall. “Why you little fuckin wanker!” Kringle says in his raspy british voice.
Ralphie is timid at first as Santa taunts him mercilessly calling him everything in the book. “Rabbit twat, 4 eyed c*nt” just to name a few. Kringle starts peppering with the jab Ralphie seems unfazed at first, but something takes over his cool demanor. He remembers how much he wanted the Red Ryder BB Gun and how Santa put him through hell to get it.
All of the sudden Ralphie charges headfirst into Kringle’s jingle bells, sending Kris to the ground in pain. “Bloody hell you little shit! You’ve busted me bullocks!” Ralphie didn’t care he leaped onto Kringle and started in on his ground and pound. Kringle tries slapping on an Arabian liontamer but it doesn’t faze Ralphie as he continiues dropping BOMBS on Kringle.
Kringle is doing his best to protect himself but Ralphie is relentless! Finally Ralphie’s gas tank seems to have hit E and he’s wearing down. The damage is done though Kringle is bruised and bloodied.
Ralphie falls over, catching his breath and crying much like he did after he beat the piss out of Scut. Kringle goes for his bag of toys and then….. he sees suddenly Ralphie crying. Taking time to reflect on what the holidays really means Santa searches his bag to find a Red Ryder BB Gun, when suddenly JACKPOT!! He walks over to Ralphie hands him the gun and says “Here kid, no hard feelings? And make me this promise you won’t shoot your eye out?” Ralphie lights up, smiling ear to ear. “Absolutely Kris! Thank you so much!
Yeah no winner here as we remember what the holidays are truly about. Being nice to one another. So enjoy the holiday and remember that there’s no better gift than quality time with the family.
“Hey Kris!” Raphie screams as Kringle is walking away. “I won’t shoot my eye out but you’re fair game!”
HOLY SHIT!!! WINNER OF THE 2018 CHRISTMAS THROWDOWN RALPHIE PARKER!!!!!!!!