I’m about 4 days late on the follow up to Part 1, which is pretty on brand for me at this point. To recap the first part of the opening round we had Kris Kringle chop down The Giant from Jingle All The Way, and Jack Frost molly wop Olaf.
In the final two matchups of the opening round we will see another David vs Goliath of sorts followed by a pretty even matchup.
Opening Round Part 2:
Ralphie (A Christmas Story) vs Buddy The Elf (Elf)
Physical: Not even close we’re talking 4’10 (tops) vs 6’3. Advantage Buddy The Elf.
Mental: Ralphie is a crazy motherfucker. Raised by a horny dad and a delusional mom made for a crazy childhood for Ralphie. The part they don’t show you after the credits in A Christmas Story is how Ralphie got a taste for blood after he recovered from his eye injury. I have a long standing theory that Silence of the Lambs is a sequel to A Christmas Story. No Ralphie didn’t grow up to be Hannibal Lector, he grew up to become Buffalo Bill. Buddy is a fucking manchild, enough said. Advantage Ralphie.
Miscellaneous: Ralphie’s needs to get this fight close and keep it in the phone booth if he wants to walk out with the W. Buddy has the hand speed as seen when he was slinging snowballs at lightning speed and has the range to jab Ralphie to death. But Ralphie when keeping the fight close has shown to have dynamite in his hands, as shown when he busted open Scut like a tomato. Also if you take into account the fact Buddy hasn’t even thrown a punch in his life and this is hardly an upset here.
Winner: Ralphie via going absolutely apeshit on Buddy.
Check back for a Christmas day present as Ralphie, Kris Kringle and Jack Frost duke it out in a three way dance to determine who earns bragging rights as the Best Christmas movie.