It’s 8PM I’m waiting for either the Fortnite squad to link up or the Blackhawk’s game to start (I’m supposed to be the hockey guy around here and haven’t watched a game all year). While I’ve been waiting patiently I’ve been YouTube mindlessly watching video after video. Then all of the sudden I was hit in the nads with a kick from nostalgia, a Jackass playlist.
We all watched Jackass growing up. When this warning (which we all ignored) showed up on your TV, you knew that for the next 30 minutes you were going to be inspired and laughing your ass off.
When I was a teenager the original show had been over for a few years and the 1st movie was still fresh in people’s minds. Thankfully MTV released a box set containing all 3 seasons of the show so of course I was watching it every weekend with the boys, figuring out which stunts we could re-create. Thinking back to those simpler times we were
no pun intended jackasses. Why were we doing this shit for free? I honestly wish smartphones were a thing back then so we could’ve recorded the shenanigans we got ourselves into thanks to Johnny Knoxville and co. Now before you judge me for ignoring the stern warning at the beginning of every show and movie, kindly go fuck yourself. Even if Jackass didn’t exist we still would’ve done some incredibly stupid things, if anything it was just a PED for our shenanigans.
Okay the trip down memory lane is cut short let’s get back to business. Watching this playlist had me thinking “What stunts would I do for $10,000?” Sure it may not seem like a lot of money to your trust fund kid or CEO, but $10,000 to most of America is a down payment for a house, paying off student loans, buying a car, or to the small 1% it means 10,000 chances to win the Powerball. So are you ready to play the newest game here at Nosebleed Takes?!
If you asked me this when I was a kid (and undefeated in Nutball) the answer without hesitation would be yes. My balls had an iron chin. Not long after this I discovered some “hobbies” and now my balls are punch drunk so something as simple as gust of wind could see my balls go down for the count. But I think for $10,000 I could pay a visit to the “back alley vasectomy”.
Any answer other than no less than 10 seconds into this video I’m calling bullshit on. It’s fucking ButterBean. You’re either too stupid for your own good, or too confident for your good (but good for our entertainment).
Hardware Store Crap
Easy yes. I shit myself at the Sears when I was 13 so now at 26 I’m due for another shitting my pants episode. So why not get paid a cool $10,000 for my troubles?
Anaconda Ball Pit
Yeah if you have to wrap your wrists so if you’re bit you don’t die I’m not doing it for less than $1 million.
Considering drunk me has decided to brand himself before (not proud of it) this is a another yes.
The Toro Totter
Call me crazy but I’d do this. There’s 3 other guys who are at risk of getting gored by this behomeath of a creature. Only 1 out of 4 chance that I get gored? Give me the money and watch me top my 200 time from high school.
Blindside Hit from Jason Allen
If this is 2018 Jason Allen who I’m assuming has gone soft then yes sign me up. If it’s 2011 Jason Allen who was still in his prime hell to the no.
Lambo tooth pull
This one while still very painful feels like the shock makes this worse than what it is. 3 seconds of pain but the buildup and anticipation is what hurts you the most. So yes sign me up!
Poo Cocktail Supreme
HARD NO!!! No amount of money could erase the stench or taste of shit, that lasts a lifetime my friend.
So fellow interdweebs, what stunt would you do for $10,000?