It’s almost the half way point of November and almost the homestretch of 2018 and it’s been a wild ride. We’ve seen dislocations, fractures, strains, tears, blood, guts, we’ll you get the idea. I am firmly against celebrating injuries in sports. It’s classless and to de-humanize these athletes who put their bodies on the line for us the fans (and millions of dollars) are still people too. But is there anything wrong with power ranking injuries?
(Contemplates for all of 5 seconds on whether or not to finish this blog)
FUCK IT!! Get your “ooooooh’s” and barf bags ready as we relive all the worst injuries of 2018…..so far.
5) Tyler Eifert dislocates and fractures ankle
This injury had me doing a double take as I watched it unfold live during Week 4 this season. At first I thought his leg was laying sideways and that was why his ankle bone was where it was. Once I put placed it all together and realized his ankle was out of place then the “ooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhh” came out and I realized this was not good. Sadly this will probably be the last image of Eifert in the Orange and Black as the Bengals are unlikely to re-sign the tight end in the offseason.
4) George Mann grows a second head in Muay Thai fight
“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!” he said in a panic as he reached for his shotgun. Seriously Mann looks like an alien here. Credit to me for not saying how he hematoma makes him look like Sylvan’s long lost brother. I wonder how much this actually hurts. The adrenaline pumping through Mann’s veins probably made sure he didn’t feel a thing, but even afterwards I feel like if he just sleeps on his back and avoids wearing turtlenecks it’s an easy road to recovery. Lastly I feel like whatever he was paid for this fight truly wasn’t enough, it’s bad enough you get kneed, punched, kicked, and elbowed in the face but to leave with a grapefruit in your temple can’t be good.
3) Raheem Mostert puts a little curve in his forearm
Yeah this was the only injury on the list that made me audibly gasp and turn away from my computer. One can assume Raheem had made the switch from whole milk to skim and that was why his ulna and radius couldn’t handle the sudden pressure of 195 pound frame as he planted his hand firmly into the ground. This is in my opinion the grossest injury on this list, but what keeps it in the middle of the pack at #3 is the fact it was just a fracture and not a dislocation as well.
2) Caris Levert dislocates his foot just last night!
This was simply put doomed from the start. Running down a player at a full sprint then suddenly changing direction as you go vertical to block a shot is almost always going to end in some sort of injury. You may get off lucky and just roll your ankle or fall on your ass. Or you end up with a broken arm, broken leg, dislocated ankle. I’ll just give up the two points. This injury was so nasty. Crowd: “How nasty was it?! This injury was so nasty it had players from both teams looking away to avoid puking. Again we here at Nosebleed Takes do not and will not ever celebrate an injury, but we will find the silver lining in it and I think we did in the form of this fan’s reaction to the injury.
The arena was incredibly quiet after Caris LeVert went down. One fan broke the silence yelling, "maybe now we can win!" while LeVert was being attended to by medics. Towns vocally let the fan know that was not okay.
— Malika Andrews (@malika_andrews) November 13, 2018
1) Jimmy Butler steals KAT’s soul during practice.
— ESPN (@espn) October 10, 2018
I’ve always said the phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me” was such a crock of horseshit. 10 times out of 10 I’d rather break a bone which I l know will heal over time than get my soul sucked out of me via a Twitter burn or someone just making me look like an absolute moron in front of people. Butler (6′ 8″) not only guarded Towns (7′) he made him look like a scrub in front of the team and reporters who then in turn tweeted it out to millions. It’s not easy to recover from being embarrassed on social media. Remember the lady who was caught begging for change then getting into a car and going home? She died. Yup. The internet haunted her ala Freddy Krueger and eventually sucked her soul try. So yeah in the grand scheme of things a few broken bones or dislocations don’t seem so bad.