NFL Sports

Nosebleed Takes NFL Week 5 Picks

New thing we’re doing here at Nosebleed Takes, instead of 3 or so individual blogs with our NFL picks we are making one weekly blog out of it. So consider this your one stop shop for every blogger’s (at least the ones who email me back) picks.

(Editor’s note: Trevor requests you read his picks in a Chris Berman voice. Sylvan was a man of few words. The Dynasty Football Guy picks are by the book, the Vegas book so parlay all his picks to win BIG!)

Thursday Night Football

Indianapolis Colts @ New England Patriots 8:20 Kickoff

Chavy: After what can only be described as one of the worst 4th down passes I’ve ever seen last week Andrew Luck and the Colts look to rebound from a tough OT loss to the Houston Texans. Unfortunately they play the Patriots who will get a boost from returning WR Julian Edelman as they castrate the Colts.

Sylvan: Patriots

Trevor: Andrew Luck’s Luck will run out, Sony Playstation Michel scampers all over Indy 35-10.

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Colts +10

Sunday Football

Tennessee Titans @ Buffalo Bills 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: The Titans looked great and showed some huge balls in their OT win over the Eagles last week. The Bills looked like well……the Bills. Hammer the Titans.

Sylvan: Titans

Trevor: Josh Allen is Tall, but not tall enough. Titans Tower over the bills 24-13.

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Titans -3

Miami Dolphins @ Cincinnati Bengals 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: You really think I’d pick against the KINGS of the AFC North?! C’mon

Sylvan: Bengals

Trevor: Kenny Stilly banana no filly flies into Cincy and scores many times. 27-20

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Bengals -7

Baltimore Ravens @ Cleveland Browns 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: Baltimore is 2-1 in the AFC North so far this year looking just meh in each outing. The Browns are on the up and expect Baker to have a solid game. Also not having refs trying to get Gruden his first win of the year will play into the Browns favor. Baker cooks the Ravens.

Sylvan: Browns

Trevor: The Ravens Flock gets shit on by Baker and the Browns 24-21

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Ravens -3

Green Bay Packers @ Detroit Lions 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: Aaron Rodgers is pissed off at the Packers coaching staff. Pissed off Aaron Rodgers is a scary man to play against. Packers over the Lions.

Sylvan: Lions

Trevor: Lions are lying to themselves if they think they can win this one. Packers stuff in to Detroit 27-20 Packers.

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Packers Even

Jacksonville Jaguars @ Kansas City Chiefs 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: I’m rocking a semi at the thought of Tyreke Hill putting Jalen Ramsey on skates all afternoon. Chiefs by 20.

Sylvan: Jaguars

Trevor: Patrick Leviticus Mahomes escapes Sacksonville with his life. Chiefs 30-27

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Jaguars +3

Denver Broncos @ New York Jets 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: Jets still suck. Broncos by however many points they want.

Sylvan: Broncos

Trevor: J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS crash and burn at the hands of Case Knives Keenum. 24-21

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Broncos Even

Atlanta Falcons @ Pittsburgh Steelers 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: The Falcons will be looking to get some revenge on the AFC North after a heartbreaking loss to the Bengals. The Steelers are the perfect team for them to exact some revenge on. Falcons by 13

Sylvan: Falcons

Trevor: Calvin Slide Ridley Torches the tornado Steelers team with 3 TDS. 48-38

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Falcons +3

New York Giants @ Carolina Panthers 1:00 Kickoff

Chavy: I only care about Saquan’s numbers in this game. Panthers win easily.

Sylvan: Panthers

Trevor: Scam Newton steals the Giants laptop and and the game. 31-30.

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Panthers -7.5

Oakland Raiders @ Los Angeles Chargers 4:25 Kickoff

Chavy: I’ve soured on the Raiders after they were GIFTED that win over Cleveland last week. Karma comes this week in the form of the Chargers.

Sylvan: Chargers

Trevor: Chargers charge the credit card over the limit to raid Oakland. 38-20

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Raiders + 5.5

Minnesota Vikings @ Philadelphia Eagles 4:25 Kickoff

Chavy: The Eagles are one loss away from hitting the panic button. They’ll move a little further from that button this week as they beat the Vikings.

Sylvan: Eagles

Trevor: ALL HAIL THE VIKINGS. The Endangered Eagles Species will become extinct this week. Vikings 21-14

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Eagles -3

Arizona Cardinals @ San Francisco 49ers 4:25 Kickoff

Chavy: (Flips a coin) 49ers win

Sylvan: 49ers

Trevor: Josh The Chosen Rosen gets his first win leading the Birds to the promise land 17-13

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Cardinals + 4.5

Los Angeles Rams @ Seattle Seahawks 4:25 Kickoff

Chavy: RIP Legion of Boom Seattle coming off an Earl Thomas injury and a close win over the Cardinals says all you need to know about this team. Rams stay hot and clip the Seahawks.

Sylvan: Rams

Trevor: Seahawks get the battering ram treatment as Todd Not a girl Gurley bashes through the door like an ICE Raid. 30-7

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Rams -7.5

Dallas Cowboys @ Houston Texans 8:20 kickoff

Chavy: With DeShaun Watson being my fantasy  QB1 I almost have to root for the Texans. The fact I hate the Cowboys means I’ll definitely be rooting for Houston.            Texans > Cowboys

Sylvan: Cowboys

Trevor: YEEHAW Ride em cowboy. Texans Mount Jerry Jones and ride into the sunset. Texans 21-10

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Cowboys -3


Monday Night Football dun dun dun

Washington Redskins @ New Orleans Saints 8:15 kickoff

Chavy: The Saints will get back to lighting up the scoreboard this week and Alex Smith will have an Alex Smith game. Saints by 21.

Sylvan: Saints

Trevor: Drew Windy Brees breaks the record and skins Washington like a potato. 48-27

The Dynasty Tailgate Guy: Saints -7




About Chavy

Co-Founder of Nosebleed Takes I write, I podcast, & Editor-In-Chief I do it all.

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