I know what you’re thinking “Chavy nobody cares about your fantasy football team!” Yeah you’re probably right, would you rather hear about my adventures in Atlantic City? The fully nude strip club where I saw things I definitely wasn’t expecting. How I lost $150 at the blackjack table. How we didn’t make it back to our hotel room until 6AM Saturday morning. Do you guys really want me to blog about that?!
You’re getting a breakdown of my fantasy football team, and I’ll put my all my chips in on me taking home first place this year…..in the consolation playoff bracket. Is this reverse psychology? Am I negging my team so I can get the best out of them this year? Why don’t you be the judge.
QB1 Deshaun Watson
With only one bad game last year before his unfortunate ACL injury Watson kind of fell into my lap in Round 5. With the top fantasy QB’s such as Rodgers, Brady, and Newton taken in the 4th and 5th rounds I called an audible here. I usually take the safe pick here and grabbed a QB before it was too late. After a rookie year that saw Watson go off in all but one of his games, he should pick up right where he left off and prove to be a valuable asset to the team this season.
QB2 Blake Bortles
It’s a goddamn travesty that it took me being the bigger person amongst my fellow owners to take Bortles with the 150th pick in the draft. To all of my fellow owners in Raji’s Kutha’s I say shame on you, when you’re QB goes down with “unfortunate” injury and you’re begging me to part ways with the B.O.A.T. I’ll gut your team when I part ways with him, you’ve been warned.
RB1 Saquon Barkley
My number 1 pick and 5th overall in the draft Saquon the Chef (Wu-Tang reference for those unaware). I rolled the dice on this one, sure he was the best player available in the draft when my pick came around, but taking a rookie in any situation is kind of a wild card move. But, I think this move will pay off and the shoe in for Rookie of the Year will show a huge return on my investment by the end of the season.
RB2 Jerick McKinnon
Solid guy here, at least that’s what ESPN told me. I remember he didn’t do too bad after Delvin Cook went down with an ACL injury (that seems to happen a lot in the NFL) but he was losing carries to Latavius Murray. With Carlos Hyde out of the picture in San Fran, and McKinnon poised for a starting job with the offensive wiz Kyle Shanahan at the helm he’ll have a great year.
WR1 A.J. Green
For the 2nd year in a row I took A.J. Green to be the top guy in my WR core. My Bengals fandom may show a bit with taking Green in the 2nd round but I don’t care. With the potential for Andy Dalton to have more than 0.000001 second to throw before the pocket collapses behind a rebuilt offensive line, I’m hoping the Bengals can get back to the offensive juggernaut they were a few seasons ago. At worst case scenario Green can still go deep and catch a 65 yard TD and net me 11 points a week and I’ll still be a happy camper.
WR2 Marvin Jones Jr.
I swear I’m not that guy in his FF league that drafts players just because they play/played for his favorite team. But c’mon, Marvin Jones is pretty goddamn good, I don’t care that the so called “experts” are projecting his targets are likely to decrease this year with Kenny Golladay coming back this year, but FUCK that! He’s going to still remain a deep threat and if it doesn’t work out I have an ace up my sleeve in week 4……
WR2 Part 2: Julian Edelman
Can I for one say that I’m glad this handsome son of a bitch got popped for PED’s? It kept him from getting hurt in the preseason, Editor’s Note: I didn’t remember suspended players could play in preseason, my bad but I stand by what I said. and it let Edelman fall into my lap in Round 8. Minor setback setting up for a MAJOR comeback. I’m always one step ahead of everyone and when you hear “dammit I was going to take him” after you’ve made your selection you know you made the right call. I can sit on him for 4 weeks on my bench and plug him in Week 5 and watch the points start coming in.
This was an accidental pick, but ended working out for me. So what do me and your parents have in common? We’re not completely disappointed with the outcome of our accidents.
Grade: Pick: C+
Okay so maybe I am drafting guys who play or played for the Bengals at one point, so what? Anyways, this spark plug out of the backfield will be a solid filler on bye weeks and can vulture a TD and clean it up in garbage time. Rex can do it all…in moderation.
Tight End: Kyle Rudolph
Kyle Rudolph I need to apologize to you, I thought I picked up the guy who sang “Let it Rock” when I first hit the draft button. But this nice guy will bounce back better than ever after a 2017 dry spell. I’m expecting big things from Rudolph this year and no I’m not just saying that to keep myself from doubting talents as an owner. When I recognize talent and potential I jump on it. It’s why you see the @laffertydanny and @tamcclanahan of the internet blogging here.
Grade: Pick B
Kicker and D/ST: Matt Prater and the Saints Defense
I’m lumping these picks together because I’m just going to coast to the finish line of this blog. Prater has a rocket for a leg and the Saints Defense are getting even deeper on the defensive side this year so it was a no brainer.
Think you have a better team than me? Screenshot and tweet it to @NosebleedTakes and I’ll personally congratulate you or tear your team to shreds.