I’M BACK!!!!

Unlike Murder Ma$e I’m not here to sell you on the power of God (he doesn’t need it). 6 days, 6 DAYS is all it took for me to get that smile back, instead of sulking in my own sorrows and tears, I used them as lubricant as I managed to get all the way to page 12 on my favorite adult site. Oh yes folks, only took half of a paragraph for me to make a masturbation joke.

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I’ll keep this short and sweet, I’m back in the gym transforming from dad bod to God bod, transforming my golf game from bad to meh, and playing softball.

What can you expect now that I’m back?


There’s a quick glimpse of what I have stored in my loins ready to douse on the back of the internet (I swear I didn’t do it on purpose).

What did it take for me to get my smile back so quickly? Simple, a good kick in the balls and a dose of reality, life doesn’t stop for everyone and you can either sit on the sidelines like a real pussy and listen to My Chemical Romance or Senses Fail and paint your nails black, sulk in your sadness, and watch Tim Burton movies,


or get right back up on the saddle and ride off into the sunset like a goddamn American hero.

Instead of ripping cigs and looking at the bottom of a bottle for help, I’m beefing up at the gym like I’m going through puberty again….minus the hairy palms and urge to stay up late to watch C- softcore on Skinamax.

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Enough South Park references,  it’s a low hanging fruit let’s get back to Chavy.

What else am I focused on? Taking this site to the goddamn top of the stadium….which won’t be hard since we are in the cheap seats. I’m all in on making this your go to for cheap takes, cheap power rankings, and cheap stories. So buckle up and sit tight, put on some Lionel Richie and let us slide into those brainwaves of yours with subliminal messages! Nosebleed Takes has it’s Co-founder/Wild Card/Editor-In-Chief personality back and better than ever!

Pray for my liver in the month of August as I’m putting it through the ringer.

  1. Bachelor Party this weekend (Beer Olympics)
  2. Flying to Philadelphia for a weekend of Fantasy Football debauchery.
  3. Bachelor Party and opening week of college football.

Safe to say this will be me the next four Mondays.

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1 view+1 like= 1 prayer.

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