World Cup Final Preview

There’s two types of reactions to the World Cup Finals approaching on Sunday.



Or this:


I fall into the ugly crier category when it comes the World Cup’s closing down shop for the next four years.

I can’t put into words how much of a roller coaster this World Cup has been for me, I rode the highs of Uruguay winning their group, and rode the lowest of lows in their elimination game against France.  But would I do it all over again?

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Now, I know Croatia vs France doesn’t get the blood pumping to the ol’ red rocket for some, and to those I say prepared to have your low expectations shattered come Sunday.  And on the flip side to those who have high expectations for Saturday’s 3rd place game of Belgium vs England (which some are dubbing the real World Cup final) prepare to leave underwhelmed with a 2-0 win for Belgium.

Croatia has been the underdog of the World Cup and who doesn’t love a great underdog story? Well except Ivan Drago, Shooter McGavin, and Cleveland Indians owner Rachel Phelps. Seeing Croatia winning the big one would be a great story and bring much needed love to them since their guy Stipe Miocic got BLASTED this past weekend. Also, they are a fun team to watch, not only has their soccer play been enjoyable, but they have a few interesting characters on their squad. Before we get into that, here’s a write up I did of the player for Croatia booted from their team for refusing to play in their opening group match. How fucking stupid does this putz feel now that they’re in the finals?

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Luko Modric is the first player many will think of when Croatian soccer comes up, for most it is because he plays for Real Madrid, hand up I didn’t know that. Then it hit me I just know him from somewhere and BAM! He’s RumpelFUCKINGstiltskin!

Before you judge that I watch Once Upon A Time let me explain, it was an ex-girlfriend’s favorite show to watch so by proxy it was my favorite show. Okay now that is out of the way doesn’t he look like him? Also he’s a pretty talented player and I’d expect him to win the Golden boot if when Croatia wins on Sunday.

Domagoj Vida looks like your run of the mill European bad guy from any action movie, and a Club DJ that just made it big. That ponytail with the shaved sides tells you he’s either part of a siege of the United States Embassy or about to perform in front of a bunch of mollywhopped hipsters at Ultra. If I were him I’d spike up the hair for this game and go full bad boy with the mohawk, leather jacket and half lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, it’s just the vibe I get when see him on TV.

And onto the French team.

They knocked Uruguay out of the World Cup they’re, dead to me and I hope Croatia crushes them on Sunday so I can dance on their grave. France if you’re reading this I didn’t make it personal you did! All you had to do was lay down for Suarez and Cavani and we wouldn’t be in this situiation.

I’m boycotting french fries until 2022 if France wins the World Cup.

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