RIP DeMarco Murray’s NFL Career

Here lies the career of DeMarco Murray (2011-2017) we hardly knew ya. Kind of shocking news broke today as DeMarco Murray has decided to hang up the cleats and call it a career on NFL Live. Before I break down Murray’s career can we talk about Schefty cucking his own network? I understand if Murray’s going on your rival NFL Network to announce his retirement, but he’s doing it on your own fucking channel! I’d hate to be Schefty’s friend when you tell him you’re going to propose to your longtime girlfriend he’d probably put it on twitter with “per sources I’ve been told John is prepared to propose to Kristine after 3 years of dating at Bennigan’s tonight.” Great friend to have for those kind of situations.

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Enough about that hobbit though let’s take a look at the career of DeMarco Murray. Dude was a stud on the Cowboys playing lights out, churning out great season after great season. First starting his rookie year 3rd string behind Felix Jones and Tashard Choice, Murray quickly rose to 1st string because well Felix Jones and Tashard Choice aren’t exactly good. 2014 was arguably his best season as Cowboy, with Murray rushing for 100+ yards in 12 games setting a franchise record, secured his 2nd Pro Bowl appearance, and rushed for over 1000 yards (obviously because 12×100 = more than 1000.) Behind that stellar Cowboys O-line Murray looked like a real MVP, but sadly for Cowboys fans he decided sign with fellow NFC East rival Philadelphia Eagles for a 4 year $42 million deal. Now, I’m a fairly loyal guy, but I don’t care if you put me behind the 1964 Bengals O-line in 2018, I’d sign the dotted line to get paid. Murray rolled the dice and rolled snake eyes, as the Eagles O-line was shitty at best, plugging more holes than a….. giphy (6).gif

Anyways, fast forward to next offseason Murray is traded to the Titans for next to nothing and is looking like his old self. 2 seasons there and it seemed there was a resurgence of sorts for the talented RB. But just like at 2AM closing time someone younger and bigger came along and stole your girl and now you’re left with your whiskey dick in one hand and a cheesy gordita crunch in the other. That person was Derrick Henry who split carries with Murray over the course of the 2017 season and eventually took over as Murray recovered from knee surgery.

Now here we are Murray walking away from offers to keep his health in tact, you can’t hate this move. If he wasn’t as injury prone his last few seasons, or stuck with the Cowboys he might have gone down as one of the GOAT’s. Leaving with some left in the tank like Barry Sanders did will always rank you above the guys who overstayed their visit in the league in my book. So here’s to a great career and enjoy retirement you earned it!




P.S. Pour out a 40oz for all the idiots who draft Murray this year.

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