Breaking News: Cleveland didn’t learn their lesson from LeBron leaving in 2011

Cleveland, it was about time you were knocked down a few pegs. The old phrase goes “nothing gold can stay” but Lebron is proving that wrong upgrading from pyrite to 24k gold as he signs with the Lakers for a 4 year $154 million deal. LeBron in a Lakers jersey just feels so right. The gold suits him better than it ever did before, and I for one am excited to see Cleveland’s favorite son finally see his full potential in LA.

I’m not one to kick a person when they’re down, HOWEVAH I may or may not be ordering my LeBron Lakers jersey to wear next time I’m in Cleveland. Now as a Cincinatti sports fan I don’t have an NBA team for you guys to trash so I’ll consider this a victory by default as you watch your winning seasons, playoff appearances go down the shitter. It felt like Cleveland fans were getting a big head with the constant Finals appearances and the stranglehold they had on the Eastern Conference. As I walked down the Flats on Saturday I could just feel the smugness radiating off of anyone in Cavs jersey and it was nauseating. I took a two hour boat tour of Cleveland on Saturday without boring you with the details, I’ll just tell you I don’t blame LeBron for leaving Cleveland. The motion sickness I encountered along, with the smell of the river was enough for me to want to sign with the Lakers. But enough about the past, Cleveland don’t cry because it’s over, cry because you’re going to be sitting in an empty Q arena watching the Lakers on the jumbo screen in the Finals.


Los Angeles, IT’S A NEW DAY YES IT IS!!!!!! All the memes and photoshops over the last few years have finally paid off, and you’ve finally landed your biggest free agent signing. I can’t think of a better place for LeBron James to solidify his status as the greatest of all time. I’ve always been an “MJ is the GOAT”  believer, but I think now that LeBron has a place to reach his full potential, my opinion may change over the next 3-4 years. I just can’t put into words how happy I am for the city of Los Angeles, hell I may even fly to LA and shake every Lakers fans hand and tell them “hey I’m rooting for you!” It’s not all celebration in LA though, they still have a huge hump to overcome in the West, and oh yeah the fucking Warriors. Also, Lakers fans are going to have to question why LeBron is moving to LA, is LeBron trying to become a big player in the Hollywood world? Could LeBron be moving to LA to reboot the RoboCop franchise? Could he be moving there to get in on a Michael Bay movie? These questions will be answered come opening night when LeBron takes the court, and I can’t wait to see LeBron in LA.

Cleveland I won’t pour more salt in the wound, LeBron has done more than enough of that already.

Ouch, not even a long thought out sappy Instagram post just a story, which in just 24 quick hours this will be gone from Cleveland just like LeBron. “Thank you Northeast Ohio for an incredible 4 seasons, this will always be home.” I think if I was describing something that meant a lot to me I’d go with a word better than incredible, and the classic “you’ll always be home.” Except it isn’t home anymore, LeBron isn’t going to be out for a jog in Cleveland or picking up the Cleveland Plain Dealer, he’ll be waking up 3 hours later and picking up the Los Angeles Times from his front doorstep. Again, I’m not here to pour salt in the wound, LeBron has that covered.

It’s not all bad for Cavs fans, on a positive note you can plan that summer vacation a littler earlier next year!

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