In the words of N’sync “Quit playing games with my heart!” Sound the alarm because my bracket is fucked as I had Germany going to the big dance and repeating championships. But, it wasn’t meant to be as South Korea decided to cock block the Germans and beat them 2-0 today as fuck you going out of the World Cup. As sad as I am that the Germans lost, I can rest easy and enjoy the World Cup at face value instead of watching like a degenerate gambler.
For the German fans (or any fans of a team eliminated) reading this there is a team here to save you from the crippling depression, and unavoidable alcohol binder.
Uruguay has a stud named Edison Covani, a man who looks like his jawline was chizzled by the Greek Gods themselves, and an iron boot that would kick Thanos into an infinite orbit. I’ll just say what we’re all thinking that’s one handsome motherfucker. Then we have Luis Suarez the grittiest of them all, a real down in the trenches player who’s not afraid to get his mouth, hands or feet dirty. Let’s ignore the whole
biting incident for a second and appericate the glory of Luis Suarez. In 2010 he earned the respect of billions, trillions when he blocked a goal against Ghana to save his team from elimination.
Is it illegal to use your hands in soccer? Yes, but when the games on the line and you’ve gotta think outside the box, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who has the innovation of Suarez to use their hands to stop a potential goal. Sticking to 2010 here’s the GOAT goal of the World Cup when former Uruguay striker Diego Forlan defies physics against the Germans in the 3rd place game.
2014 we don’t talk about as they had a disappointing showing, but 2018 in Group play they were undefeated, easily defeating every opponent in their group. Now faced with a tall task in taking down Ronaldo and Portugal they need your support now more than ever. If you want to be on the right side of history hop on the Uruguay bandwagon and bet your kids college savings on them winning it all!!
(Editor’s note: I had Germany winning it all)